Just a few weeks ago, Lazy Man of Lazy Man and Money got married and gave us some details about what it costs to cover a 200 guest wedding in the Bay Area these days. His number came up to between $22,000 and $23,000. This brings to mind my own wedding in 1995 when we had a similar budget allocated for pretty much the same number of people. At that time, I remember how I forked out the bucks to get the wedding I envisioned in my mind’s eye. I was also quite nervous about the expenses we would be incurring and the fact that we would be paying for most of it ourselves (or so we thought). But things worked themselves out. It so happened that generous guests and some cultural traditions helped us out on the money front.
In many countries and cultures, the concept of giving money away during weddings is alive and well and warmly embraced.
I could’ve been these people many moons ago… These happy couples are shown participating in what is called a “Wedding Money Dance”. Guests basically pin cash on the dancing wedding celebrants.
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What I’m driving at here is that though I realize that there are tons of frugal wedding advice and tips out there, I thought to highlight the more interesting or even out-of-the-box aspects of wedding planning that I’ve come across that can help you save money or make up for your expenses. As you can see, having your cultural background work for you as it has for me can be a big help!
If you’re ready to have a wedding that does not break your bank, then here are some general tips to consider:
Want To Save Money On Your Wedding? Try These General Tips
#1 Do NOT take out a wedding loan.
Call me naive, but I’ve never heard of such a thing as a wedding loan till now. These are lovely unsecured personal loans to saddle yourself with. I suppose it’s just another marketing tool for lenders to try to get you to finance yet one more thing in your life. You can of course try to get a secured loan with some asset as collateral but c’mon — you don’t want to start off your new life on the wrong foot by following these methods.
#2 Keep an open mind.
Do you really need to keep up with tradition? When planning for my wedding, I seemed to get the impression that traditional etiquette steered away from the “tackiness” of blatant cash exchanges. But tradition often clashes with practicality and when needs arise, it’s time to open one’s mind to resourceful financing tactics. If you can think of weddings as a family affair where everyone can pitch in, all the better. It’s great when one has a rich daddy who can throw a grand wedding for their daughter but more often than not, wedding planning falls on the shoulders of the couple to be married. So why not be practical? I think that cash gifts are a great idea!
#3 Do not keep up with the rich Joneses.
When you enter the phase where everyone you know is getting married and you are requested to be part of everyone’s bridal party, it’s quite likely you’ll be comparing your own event to everyone else’s. Resist the urge to impress everyone else. I’d say the most memorable or enjoyable weddings I’ve attended haven’t been the most extravagant ones, but rather the most unique or most personal ones, where invited guests already knew each other.
#4 Don’t ask for a perfect wedding.
Refusing to compromise in pursuit of the “perfect wedding” will cost you a bit. Many event planners who have worked for bridezillas can attest to that.
Now if you really want to think outside the box, here are some suggestions for a cheaper but still special wedding:
How About These Radical Ways To Save?
#1 Go cultural.
If you have wedding traditions that involve the exchange of currency, cash or even cash equivalents such as gift cards, why not incorporate it in your event (see Money Dance)? It’s been a boon to many couples I know.
#2 Cut down on guests.
This is the easiest way to save money. Start cutting down your guest list liberally — in 5 years, you’ll never see those co-workers again anyway. Make excuses that only close friends and family are invited. I’ve been cut from many lists before and I understood.
#3 Rent everything.
Grooms and groomsmen rent their tuxedos, why not have the entire bridal party rent their clothing? Will you be willing to rent your own wedding dress? Rent a cake? This comes back to keeping an open mind!
#4 Request contributions towards wedding accoutrements in lieu of gifts.
How about negotiating the gift of time, service or money towards your wedding event rather than actual material gifts from your friends and family? Some of them may want to pitch in to contribute for flowers, centerpieces, favors, food or even the honeymoon.
#5 Peg your wedding on an off-day.
Shift your wedding schedule and try for the off-season or a week day. I’d personally avoid bad weather months though just because a tornado over your wedding tent would *really suck*.
#6 Use cardboard for part of your wedding cake.
You’ve got a beautiful multi-tiered wedding cake so why not fake its bottom? I suggest this and many more wedding cake savings tips in this post.
#7 Choose a free (or almost free) venue.
Hold your wedding in a park or the beach or somewhere you can celebrate without spending an arm or a leg. You can try convincing your favorite aunt to open her house to your wedding party.
#8 Keep your entertainment simple.
Get your talented relatives to line up and do a performance for you. Maybe have some younger folks come up with some numbers. We were dining at an Indian restaurant once and to our delight, there was a traditional Indian wedding taking place in a banquet hall next to our seats. I got to watch some cute little kids do some cultural (as well as modern) dance and song numbers to everyone’s entertainment.
#9 Use the internet!
Try typing “cheap wedding” in the Google search box and be agog by the number of listings, tips, ideas, advice and products you are privy to by the click of a button. Research is king.
#10 Delay the wedding.
How about this novel thought — plan your wedding once you’ve built up enough savings to fund it? That’s what we did. That’s why it took a bit of time as well. It was all part of our big master plan to get married after 6 years of dating (and working at our careers) after which we took another 6 years to wait to have kids. By sacrificing our time, we were thus able to easily take care of the financial details of these events.
#11 As a last resort, elope!
Just a few months ago, a dear friend shocked us by saying she already got married. Was I slighted? Maybe just a little, but I understood. After the fact, she’s now inviting us to a post-wedding party. Though I doubt money was the reason behind her stunt, I’m sure she must’ve still saved a bundle.
Though some of these ideas may seem outrageous to you at first glance, I’d say just give it a bit of time to sink in. You never know, it may not sound like such bad ideas after all if you see how much you can save from making some simple adjustments to your wedding plan.
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Thank you for the mention
I’m all for thinking creatively and accepting different cultural traditions, BUT:
It’s a celebration, not a Mafia shakedown.
If cash gifts are traditional wedding gifts among the couple’s family and friends, then attendees can figure out how to put money in an envelope without prompting.
Dollar dances and requests for cash (not that requests for ANY gifts should be in the invitation) are demands upon people. I’ve never been at a reception or wedding where either of those occurred, but I’d have no compunction about taking a conveniently timed bathroom break or refusing the invitation wholesale if they did.
These sound like great suggestions but you’re right, some seem kind of radical to me. The hardest thing is to try to cut down on the guest list. That’s just a tough thing to do. I have a blended family so I had to invite everyone. No matter how I looked at it I couldn’t cut my guest list.
@HC
I’ve attended many weddings with dollar dances and have never felt obligated to pin a dollar to the bride’s dress though I participate for the fun of it. Again, it may be a tradition for certain cultures and so forth, and I leave it at that. I can see how some of these practices can come across as “tacky” to some people, but beyond the physical image of people dripping with dollars on their attire, the practices do also signify something deeper, such as wishing a couple a prosperous start to their lives together. All this depends on the dynamics of certain families so it may work for some, and not others.
@Jennifer
Hopefully you were able to cut costs elsewhere if not from your guest list!
A wedding on the beach in Hawaii can be had for under $2k, and you can take the 20 or so people who’ll actually fly there to attend out to dinner for another $1k. It’s also quite pretty, but the main advantage is cutting down on the guest list. If someone can’t come, that just means that they’re not really interested in seeing you get married
(And before you start in with the “but they can’t afford it!”, I’m sure they’re just as able to afford it as you are able to afford buying them a $50 dinner (times the 200 people in your wedding). Guest list problem solved.)
I guess no one in my family values big “traditional” weddings like what I always hear others do…
My wedding 13 years ago was really on the cheap. My mom & my mother in law MADE my gown and my attendants dresses- just simple dresses that looked normal- no boufant sparkly craziness! We made all our own food and a few family members served the buffet in the church hall. The cake was given to us as a wedding present from a friend who finished all the Wilton cake classes. We had no alcohol but a really great DJ- and the reception is still looked on as one of the best any of our friends & family went to.
My sister eloped and had a big ham dinner party in her own home a few weeks after the newly married couple was settled in. Much more homey and fun!
My step cousin had his wedding on the roof of his house! He built an underground home (for great insulation in Central New York winters!) and the roof of his house is wildflowers. He had the minister come over and perform the ceremony- then we had a big chicken barbeque.
My sister in law had a more “regular wedding”- but with so many people from out of town, the “rehearsal dinner” was a big picnic with hotdogs, hamburgs and a softball game at the county park.
I guess the difference is that most of the people I know & value realize its ONE DAY out of the rest of their lives together- better to just enjoy your family and have some $$$ to live your life, rather than throw it away on one day!
One word: Lunch. My wedding was “catered” as a present by good friends who were like my second parents. We bought these delicious little(ish) sandwiches from a local place. With chips and cookies and cake, the meal came to $5-7 a head for 100 people.
The sandwich people were excellent advertisers, btw. They gave the local librarians (and I was working at the library) two free sample trays for lunch one day. So we all sat in the back and tried sandwiches. They were delicious and easy-to-manage. It was a year before my wedding, but I took home a flier and stuck it in the wedding folder.
Ya, I remember my wedding budget ballooning because of the “perfect wedding” syndrome. Getting out of this mind set is definitely key to having an affordable wedding.
The most important thing to remember about your wedding day is that it’s about you as a couple. It’s the personal little touches that make a wedding memorable and fantastic. There are plenty of ways to personalize your wedding with out having to spend a ton of money… think of creative ways to include photos and quotes that have special significance. One wedding I photographed had board games stacked by a fire place in the hall…everyone had a ton of fun playing. There are many ways to make your wedding all about you two with out having to go broke.
Using a cardboard for part of your wedding cake is a genius idea! I never truly understood the intricacy of weddings cakes and the steep price couples usually spend on a mere cake that guests will ultimately devour. I understand the part about aesthetic purposes, but if it’s going to break the bank, I’d prefer to improvise and I think using cardboard is definitely a great idea to save a few hundred dollars. If you want additional tips on weddings and bridal showers check out these tips I’ve come up with:
A wedding is a very significant day of two souls being united with a commitment and promise to live together as husband and wife. It is probably the grandest day of their lives and as such all the care in the world are taken just to make the wedding day as perfect as possible.
These sound like great suggestions but you’re right, some seem kind of radical to me. The hardest thing is to try to cut down on the guest list. That’s just a tough thing to do. I have a blended family so I had to invite everyone. No matter how I looked at it I couldn’t cut my guest list.